Sunday, October 25, 2009

Wild and CRAZY Friday night for a single gal

I tell's hard being a single gal... I can find entertainment in the simplest things. For instance, a trip to the local Wal-Mart. I do not like going to the one closest to me but had to on this lovely Friday night. As I am standing in line to pick up my prescription and reading a trash magazine someone had discarded, I hear this loud voice behind me. I know she had to be loud as my ears were stopped up at the time. I tried to ignore her but it was just too hard. I turned around and come face to face with Alabama's version of Beth Chapman, Dog the Bounty Hunter's wife. She was decked out in, well, I'm not really sure how to describe it but I'll try. Some sort of combat boots with her knit pants tucked into them, a sweat shirt (I'm sure it was either an Alabama or Auburn) and covered in gold, as in jewelry. She put Mr. T to shame! It was a train wreck I could not look away from. Rings on every finger and at least 20 chains. I was in awe! Then I heard "next", which was me and I had to move on and pick up my Rx. She left me with a lot of questions: 1. does your neck hurt? 2. how long does it take you to put all of that on or do you just never take it off? 3. If you never take the jewels off how do you sleep without getting chocked? The list goes on...
I moved on and went to the grocery side and low and behold there she is again. Was this fate telling me I should ask all these questions? I don't think so as I was not about to get jumped in Wally World. She did seem to match the others in her party so I figured it was her normal attire.
I made my way to the check with an ever so friendly cashier and look up to see the best mullet I've ever seen on a gay man. Make that the only mullet I've seen on a gay man. Major business in the front but oh the party in the back!! He works there so I can now see it any time I want. I thought to myself a trip to Wal-Mart doesn't get any better but I spoke to soon. When I'm leaving I'm scanning the crowd and see the BIGGEST hair I've seen since 1985. My thoughts are that she's getting ready for Halloween but then I thought no, her perm fried hair is well, how she wears it. I saw her hair a good 5 min before I saw her. Good times, good times.
I've got to start getting pictures to go along with all of the sightings I keep seeing. I don't want to make it so obvious that I'm taking their picture. I promise to work on it.

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